This year for me as a student and in my personal life has been a struggle. I do believe my personal conflicts reflected onto my work. I have always been well prepared for my English courses and this year it seemed as though I could never find myself and get settled into the class. Looking back at my work, the explications and the analytical essays from the beginning of the year, my true writing talents are not displayed. This class challenged my reasoning and thinking process in ways that they had not been before. Looking back on my papers such as the “Red Shift” assignment I see how most lack strong thesis and analysis. I believe that instead of challenging myself and attempting to understand the concept of the assignments in more depth, I completed them without receiving a better understanding and skill that could have been acquired through my best efforts.
After receiving a “D” on my report card for 2nd quarter, I was more than disappointed with myself. My morale being at an all time low during that time reflected onto my effort and work in the class. English seem to always come natural to me and staring at the “D” on my report card represented defeat on my part. I let situations outside of school control my work inside of school, and my lack of effort was evident.
However, I do believe I wrote something of significance 2nd quarter, my college essay. During the time I wrote my college essay I was suffering both physically and mentally which brought me back to a specific time in my life. Though I was hesitant to write about my experience, I believe the vulnerability I experienced help me grow as a writer and a person. Even here in this essay, I am being honest with myself and the reader, writing about my process of thinking and how it has developed. I am able to see my faults and weaknesses through writing. This tool that I have developed this year will help me throughout my life. By writing my mind set and thinking process I will be able to determine the sources of my weaknesses or strong points.
By writing my college essay I had overcome uncertainty and fear, by doing so I was able to share it, even if it was only with one other person. This is why literature is so important. Anyone can write how he or she feels or specific beliefs and even when he or she is gone, their text will still be available to those who wish to read it. Books, sentences, and words can open one’s eyes to possibilities and theories which they never experienced. While reading the novel, “The Stranger”, it forced me to ask myself many questions. Characters so intriguing and different like Mersault make people wonder about truth and reality. Looking beyond the words and connecting them to one’s life can have a significant impact and change one’s reality.
Literature has the power to excite, to make one upset or laugh depending on the individual. For me, literature is a way to enter a different world, or time especially when the present becomes frustrating, which can be more than often. Books and plays like “Hamlet” cause the reader to find symbols and hidden meanings throughout the book. This is a tool that can be helpful in life. At times I wonder the motives and actions of people, just like one would question Ophelia’s motive behind killing herself.
This year, although it was a struggle it also benefited me as well. I forced myself to work harder, even when it seemed impossible and hopeless. I broke through my barrier of vulnerability and wrote about a personal experience. Also, this year made me face a harsh reality, that I was becoming indifferent to my work and also myself. After receiving the “D”, I put more effort into my school work and began focusing more on bettering myself. I would not consider my growth throughout this year trivial. I now have the power to step back from life and self evaluate. Even though I might be wrong at times, now I have the power to admit it. Though my class work is maybe not a true representation of my best efforts consistently, it definitely represents growth as a writer and a person.