Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Filler Chapter for "Running with Scissors" by Augusten Burroughs

Filler chapter

Chapter 15

Me and Natalie were watching T.V. in the living room eating cold nuggets we had brought home from McDonald’s on are way home from a movie. Suddenly, Poo Bear emerged naked. He looked at me, smiled, then urinated on the carpet in front of us. Natalie laughed obnoxiously, spitting chewed up nugget on the front of her shirt. “Did Poo make a little accident?”, Natalie cooed. Agnes yelled from the kitchen, “Natalie, what do you mean accident, what did he do?” Natalie yelled back, “He pissed all over your floor, now shut up hag I’m trying to watch something.”

Agnes appeared in the doorway, “Oh no, look at this mess”. She left the room and within seconds she appeared with paper towels and cleaning solution. She began scrubbing the floor, blocking me and Natalie’s view of the T.V. Natalie was furious. “Move hunchback, your blocking my view.” Agnes, still scrubbing away at the floor said, “Well somebody’s got to clean it”. Natalie threw the remaining nuggets she had on the ground. Agnes began to yell, but Natalie ignored her. “Come on, lets go. I can’t stand being around this pitiful woman any longer.”

It was late, and I really wanted to read this magazine I found while me and Natalie where out earlier. It caught my eye while walking . It had in bold letters, “How to Get that Salon Look”. I figured I could read it then maybe later Hope would let me practice on her. “I’m kinda tired. I think I’m going to go to bed soon.” Natalie shot me a look of disgust and stomped out of the room into the kitchen. Five minutes later, after hearing loud banging noises and cabinets being open and slammed shut, Natalie yelled from the kitchen, “Agnes will you make me some frozen fish sticks?”

Later that night I was in my room reading the magazine, when Neil appeared at my door. “Go away, I’m not in the mood for you tonight.” I really knew the reason why he would come to my room in the middle of the night, I didn’t feel like another Queen Helen’s Cholesterol experience tonight. “Please Augusten, I need you”, he said pathetically. He made me sick to my stomach. “Listen you pedophile, your presence at my door is making me sick. Your not pulling this with me tonight.” He shut my door hard, I heard him slam his head against the wall, and stomp hard down the stairs.
I was glad he left, he really is starting to worry me.

I continued to look at the hair article in the magazine. There was a picture of a woman with a shag hair cut. The article told you how to cut and style this particular cut. I wished I could be in the magazine, like a model. They probably would never book me though. All the men I see in magazines are so masculine and muscular with lots of body hair, all that I lack.

I went to the window and smoked a cigarette, making sure I blew all the smoke outside. After I finished, I laid on my bed. I looked around my room. Beauty products all over my room, some with liquid oozing down the sides. Dirty clothes were all over my floor. Just as I was about to close my eyes to go to sleep, I could heard Natalie scream downstairs, “Rot in Hell, Hope. I really hate you.”

I don’t know how much more of this house I can take. Then I heard Dr. Finch yell from the bathroom, “Hope grab the spatula, this one is remarkable”

1 comment:

Emily R 6 said...

I chose this piece to put on the blog because it was one of my favorite assignments. Trying to emulate Augusten Burroughs was actually kind of fun to do. The book “Running with Scissors” is so insane and hysterical that it gave me room to write something crazy, too. I enjoyed this assignment because it gave me the opportunity to be creative. Not only did we have to emulate the writers style, but we had to make up a scenario that would fit in between chapters. It was a challenge but, it was a different type of assignment that I would prefer over an explication or analytical essay.